Young with Heart: Making a difference at Lake Oswego

Christine Dudley and Chris Dudley, founders of “Live Heads Up,” with Jeff Young after he was honored at halftime of Lake Oswego-McMinnville game (courtesy Debbie Wakem)

Updated 9/29/2023 7:37 PM

LAKE OSWEGO — It is halftime, and red is everywhere. Lake Oswego High’s colors are white and Navy blue, but its football garb is red for this non-league matchup with McMinnville.

The red uniforms, with blue numbers, read “ALS” on the front and “Warrior” on the back.

This is the Lakers’ annual “Red-out” game for ALS awareness, but with a special twist. Together with the “Live Heads Up” foundation headed by Chris and Christine Dudley, the school is honoring former Laker Jeff Young, who is marking the 40th anniversary of his diagnosis with what is known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease.

In the stands, hundreds of students, faculty, parents and friends sport red T-shirts with “Be Like Jeff” across the front. In a wheelchair on the track surrounding the field for a presentation is Young, 61.

He is wearing a red T-shirt that reads, “Be Like Me.”

The Lakers are having their way with the Grizzlies, who trail 21-0 before they notch a first down. Is the home team particularly jacked for the occasion?

“I really think so,” Lakers coach Steve Coury says later. “Our kids were excited about playing this one. All week we talked about doing something a little special to honor Jeff. There was definitely some extra incentive for the kids.”

With Lake Oswego ahead 28-0 at halftime, several of the Laker players tap Young on the knee as they pass on their way to the locker room. He is wheeled onto the field, and the public-announcer launches into a primer on Jeff Young and what he has meant to his alma mater.

Cheerleaders hold “Live Heads Up/Let’s Get Fired Up” banner before game on Lake Oswego football field (courtesy Debbie Wakem)

Suddenly, impromptu, the students begin a chant: “Be Like Jeff! Be Like Jeff!”

Later, Jeff tells me, “It was cool, but also surreal. The student body is chanting ‘Be Like Jeff,’ and I don’t know any of them.”

But they know of Young, and what he represents, and what the presence of “Live Heads Up” has meant to the school. It’s a night of celebration in Laker Land, and Young is wearing the figurative king’s cape as the Lakers breeze to a 35-7 victory.

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For 16 years, Chris Dudley patrolled the middle for NBA teams, including the Trail Blazers, while a Type I diabetic. Before he retired in 2003, Dudley and wife Christine had started a summer basketball camp for youths with diabetes that attracted attendees throughout the globe. The 28th annual Chris Dudley Basketball Camp was held in August in Vernonia. Thousands of youths have participated through the years. Dudley, recipient of the NBA’s J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award in 1996, continues to give back in many ways.

Christine created the Live Heads Up Foundation in 2019 “as a business and a brand,” she says.

Live Heads Up sign at Lake Oswego High (courtesy Christine Dudley)

Speaking at an event in Los Angeles, Christine talked about how “we all have to keep our heads up to see life’s options.” In football terms, a quarterback who gets sacked can’t hang his head; he has to look for receivers on the next play, she says. She spoke about the ideas she hoped to see crystallize through the foundation.

“The response I got from that was, ‘We really need this,’ ” Christine says. So she and her husband started a non-profit, with the primary goal of helping motivate students to aspire and achieve.

What does “Live Heads Up” mean? Be aware.  Be positive. Pay attention. Don’t get your head down about things. Lift your head up in thoughts and action.

The Dudleys have lived in San Diego for several years — they moved there shortly after Chris was defeated for governor of Oregon in the 2010 election — but recently made Sisters their primary residence. Prior to the move back to Oregon, they developed “Live Heads Up” programs with several schools in California.

Christine has been in contact with officials from school districts in Salem/Keizer, Wilsonville, Jefferson County and Crook County and hopes to soon have “Live Heads Up” installed there. Already in the books is the Lake Oswego district.

Chris Dudley and Gerald Graves have been managing partners at Filigree Wealth Advisors since 2008. Graves is a 1980 graduate of Lake Oswego High, the same class as Jeff Young. Graves and Young have been friends since grade school and competed with and against each other on athletic fields for years. For some time, Graves has been involved in a movement to help Young with his medical bills. Initially, a group called “Friends of Jeff” was formed. It was rebranded to “Young with Heart” (website: Youngwithheart.com).

In June, Graves went to Lake Oswego High to meet with Coury, school activity director Chris Hill, principal Kristen Colyer and assistant principal/athletic director Chris Coleman about increased involvement with the annual “Red-Out for ALS.”

“It seemed like a perfect fit for Live Heads Up,” Graves says. “I talked to Chris (Dudley) about it and he said, ‘This is exactly what we’re trying to do — get more involved in schools and promote positive mental attitude.’ Jeff is the ultimate ambassador for that. Their message embodies what Jeff is all about. He wakes up every day and he lives heads up.”

The meeting with the school administrators led to an alliance with the foundation for a year-long campaign during the 2023-24 academic year. All fall sports — including volleyball and boys and girls soccer — are participating in the Red-out this season. And Hill says winter and spring sports teams will participate as well.

“The kids there needed something more than just ALS awareness,” Christine says “Everybody needs to ‘live heads up’ a little bit more. We are pleased that all sports teams will take part.”

She spoke with representatives of the Associated Student Body — student council leaders — about getting students engaged in the world around them.

“They were all in,” Christine says.

ASB members placed signs and posters that say “Live Heads Up” above nearly every door in the school, including the principal’s office.

“They completely transformed the school,” Christine says. “They are going to do all kinds of team-building and challenges and competitions through the year, ways to look out for each other. Their dream is to bring back school spirit. It’s so cool.”

As an aside, cell phones are being banned from classrooms at Lake Oswego High this school year.

“It just so happens we were planning to do it this year, and then ‘Live Heads Up’ comes along,” says Hill, who helps organize ASB leaders. “Already, it has made a dramatic difference. The culture of the hallways has changed. It’s been great. I think the students like it. It’s a relief for them that they don’t have to mess with that. And they are getting more done than before.”

“Live Heads Up” intends to reach out to all students at LO, not just athletes.

“It’s a great message for the entire student body, including ones who don’t connect with Jeff as much, but are encouraged to think positively about their lives,” Hill says. “ ‘Live Heads Up’ ties both of them together. We are looking to connect with performing arts. ‘Live Heads Up’ will be with us throughout the year.”

The Dudleys were pleased to be able to augment the ALS movement at LO and the motivational piece delivered by Jeff Young.

“The reason why we partnered with him is that our messaging is the same,” Christine says. “Life can be a challenge for all people. You have a choice to hang your head and be stuck where you are, or lift your head up and take advantage of the options that are available. We challenge kids to look at their options to tell us ways they can achieve things. That is also one of Jeff’s messages. He challenges kids to be resilient. That’s important to us, too.

“Jeff and I are just getting started. We will be working not just in sports but also in other areas.”

Young is pleased to be associated with “Live Heads Up.” He appreciates Christine’s selflessness.

“She is the perfect person in that she didn’t try to steal the spotlight for her organization,” he says. “She totally gets it.”

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On the morning following the McMinnville game, Jeff and I do a phone interview. His speech is difficult to understand, but Tammy Meinecke — one of his two primary caregivers — interprets.

“Years of practice,” Tammy says with a laugh. She has been working with Jeff for 10 1/2 years and is in the process of moving into his Lake Oswego residence and living full-time.

Jeff says the halftime tribute to him “was flattering, but it also kind of puts pressure on you to be a good example.”

Young hasn’t had trouble living up to that ethic. Ask the dozens of friends who look to him as a role model.

Sports was the essence of his childhood.

“We attended different grade schools, and we would play little guy football, baseball and basketball against each other,” says Graves, who met Young in fourth grade. “We became good friends in junior high and have been ever since.

“Jeff was the kind of kid who was all about trying to be the hardest worker. His mantra was ‘work hard, play hard.’ He would have to outdo you. If you were doing 10 reps, he’d try to squeeze in 12 or 15. Liked to be the life of the party as well. He always seemed to have the most fun.”

Debi Hayes graduated two years behind Young at LO. She doesn’t remember exactly when they met, “but it’s hard not to meet Jeff,” she says. “He was a big presence all the time. He had high energy and filled a room. Even now, when he comes into a room, you know Jeff’s there. He has this aura about him. He is not as loud as he once was, but he is still a presence.”

Young played running back at Lake Oswego and fullback for three years at Southern Oregon before a physical exam revealed in 1983 that, at age 21, he had ALS. Doctors initially gave him three to five years to live. Jeff didn’t listen. Fewer than one percent of those with ALS live for 40 years. Jeff is there and counting.

He moved to Los Angeles in 1985, was married in 1988, had a daughter, then was divorced when she was 13 months old. Young got custody. He returned to Oregon in 1990, moved in with his parents and was primary caretaker for his daughter for the next 17 years.

Priya Domfeh is now 34, married and living in LA and doing fine. Young has lived four decades since his diagnosis, in no small part due to a desire to see Priya to adulthood.

“My mother was in the next town over, but I lived primarily with my father and his parents,” says Domfeh, now married and working as a set decorator for TV shows and an aspiring film-maker in Hollywood. “It could be very challenging with his illness, but it was nice how much time I got to spend with my grandparents.

“Dad tried to set a positive example for me. He wanted me to have the kind of opportunities that I wanted to seek out in life. He had that spirit of trying to push through and achieve and not limit yourself, and I tried to apply that when I moved down here.

“He cares a lot of about character and doing the right thing. I feel grateful to have had that role model growing up.”

Domfeh graduated from Lake Oswego High in 2007, the same year ESPN aired a 12-minute feature on her father.

“When I was young, I figured I’d be lucky if my dad would one day walk me down the aisle, which he did seven years ago,” Priya says. “There was a question mark if he would still be around to achieve some of those milestones. It’s pretty miraculous that he made them.”

Priya provided incentive.

“I was determined to leave someone who had a very positive impact on the world,” Young says. “I don’t get to see her a whole lot these days, but the kids at (Lake Oswego High) give me something to live for.”

I suggest they are like surrogate children for him. Or perhaps, he is a father figure.

“It’s encouraging,” he says, “that so many of the kids I don’t know get positive encouragement from me.”

Young is not committed just to Lake Oswego football, by the way. He has attended girls and boys soccer games already this season. He will be seen at plenty of Laker non-football sporting events through the school year. He has been involved in ALS walks and school assemblies and other related events.

“Jeff always wants to help others, even on his most difficult days,” Hayes says. “He sets his goals and is going to do what he can to achieve them.” 

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Lakers football coach Steve Coury stops by to congratulate Jeff Young before halftime presentation (courtesy Debbie Wakem)

In 2006, a mutual friend introduced Coury to Young.

“I was so moved by Jeff’s story,” says Coury, in his 32nd season as Lake Oswego’s head coach. “I was moved by his positive attitude, his outlook on life, his drive to help others, to be a mentor, to be a guy who could talk about life lessons.”

Coury asked Young to essentially join the Laker coaching staff.

“He was coming around a little bit,” Coury says. “He would take a look at our game film. The kids knew who he was. Then one day he asked, ‘How about if I do a little motivational thing?’ ”

Young starting writing messages to the players. Every week during the season since then, he writes a message that is read by other coaches on Wednesdays after practice.

Lake Oswego assistant coach Frank Everhart reads Jeff Young’s weekly message to the players (courtesy Debbie Wakem)

“When they are read, the kids are tuned in as could be,” Coury says. “You could hear a pin drop. He has been an unbelievable inspiration to our kids.”

A couple of recent examples:

“There is an old Icelandic proverb that says, ‘Mediocrity is climbing molehills without sweating.’ We might be 2-0, but we haven’t played anyone capable of actually testing us. Will Mountainside provide that test? I don’t know. I know this: Last year, I talked to several members of our team who laughed at the idea that Mountainside could beat us. They beat us by 17 points. So I am beyond curious to see how we come out Friday. Do we have the killer instinct of a champion, or are we pleased just to be standing on our own 2-0 molehill of mediocrity? Somewhere in this state, there is exactly one team prepared to rise above human nature to pay the price for championship-level excellence. No matter how high the peak, nor how steep the slope, or how rugged the terrain, that one team will stop at nothing to complete that championship climb. Let that team be us.”

“I have a disease that makes almost everything I do feel next to impossible. Just to get out of bed is an ordeal. Perhaps the most frustrating thing I have experienced in life is the average man’s familiarity with the word ‘can’t.’ People toss that word around like they’re playing pinball with it, not realizing that every time it’s uttered or even thought, they are cutting themselves off at the knees. As someone who cannot walk, speak intelligibly or even lift his arms, I’d like to know what it is that you can’t do. You can’t beat the West Linn Lions? Can three men with no sleep or food and little ammunition hold off 3,000 Japanese soldiers? They did (at Guadalcanal in World War II). … unless you have something seriously physically or mentally wrong with you, almost everything you think you can’t do is an illusion — just a state of mind. And that changes in an instant with a decision to believe. … 40 years ago, I looked into the eyes of some of the best medical professionals in the world and heard them say, ‘You can’t live more than five years.’ So tell me again: What is it you can’t do?”

He ends every message with, “In the trenches with you, Coach Jeff.”

Truth is, Young wrote inspirational messages to his friends for many years.

“I’ve always had a lot of positive attitude readings, and that inspired me to send quotes out to a group of friends,” Young says. “Then I started adding my thoughts in a few sentences. I was hearing back from people that they liked what I wrote more than the quotes. So I would write a couple of more paragraphs each time.”

When Young quit writing inspirational messages to his friends in 2014, his email list numbered 3,500. He recently returned to writing them.

“I’m fortunate enough to be included in the messages he sends out each week,” Coleman says. “He has shared with me some of the other things he has published. It’s a game-changer as to how you can re-set your attitude.

“If you have a big problem or a headache, the second you talk to Jeff or read his work, it makes you re-evaluate your priorities and check yourself when you realize things could be a lot worse. Whatever your problem, it doesn’t come close to things Jeff has to deal with on a daily basis. It puts things in perspective.”

Young coined the phrase “LO 48.”

“Three or four years into him being with us, we played a poor fourth quarter and lost a game,” Coury says. “His message the following week was, we didn’t play the full 48 minutes, that you have to play it all out.

“The night of the next game, the kids had written ’48 minutes’ on their arms, their sweat bands — it was everywhere. They got the message and ‘LO 48’ was born.”

The mantra is printed on a wall in the Lakers’ locker room.

“The kids hit it as they go out onto the field every game,” Coury says.

Coury says Young “is the guy who has influenced our kids more than anybody in the program.”

“He always says I inspire him,” Young says. “But Steve inspires me, based on who he is and the way he treats people. I’ve never seen anyone who inspires more loyalty than Steve, and it’s because of the way he treats people. That’s right in my wheelhouse about life.”

Says Graves: “It’s such a special partnership with Coach Coury. It means the world to Jeff. Steve has embraced Jeff from Day One. When a coach reads Jeff’s message, Steve talks about it with the players and what it means to him. He lets Jeff talk, and he’s hard to understand. I am so impressed he gives Jeff his voice.”

For Young to prepare a message to the players is not easy. He often starts writing it on Sundays.

“Really, it takes Jeff forever to do anything,” Graves says. “Just to go to a football game means he started getting ready at 2 or 3 p.m. to be there by 6. To write a message takes him hours.

“Things have changed physically for him, but what’s so inspiring is, he has such a strong positive attitude. He wakes up every day and tries to live his best life. He did the same when he was young and healthy, but what’s really impressive is he’s been able to do this for 40 years.”

Today, Lake Oswego players call Young “Coach Jeff.” Look at the photo of the Lakers celebrating their state championship after a victory over Sheldon in 2018 and you’ll see Young smack dab in the middle, surrounded by players. He has regular meetings at his home with members of Coury’s “leadership council.” This season, the council consists of five seniors and three juniors. One of those is senior quarterback/punter Max Brauner.

“We go to his house before practice on Sunday,” Brauner says. “He assigns us some reading. We talk about the last game and the game moving forward. He tells us what he thinks and gives us advice on how to move forward and how to better ourselves. It is leadership-based, and about handling adversity — in football, but more than that, how football translates to life.

“His talk is muffled, but his caretaker helps us understand. He’ll crack jokes. He’s a funny dude, a smart guy and an amazing character. We get a lot of wisdom from him. He is one of the most mentally strong people I’ve met. I feel lucky to have spent time with him.”

Jack Anderson was a member of the Lakers’ 2011 state title team who would go on to be a first-team All-Pac-12 outfielder at Oregon State in 2017 and a member of the Beavers’ College World Series champions of 2018.

“When I was with the leadership council, Jeff used it as a book club,” says Anderson, now working as a physical therapist in the Portland area. “I remember one book was John Wooden’s ‘Pyramid of Success.’ Jeff would lead a discussion.

“His response to life made a big impact on me when I was a freshman. Having that guy on my side was special. I always think of him as a coach, and from a coaching standpoint, he’s had as big an impact as anyone else has on my life.”

Young could not accomplish what he does today without the services of Meinecke, a seven-year Air Force veteran who is Jeff’s “Girl Friday.”

“It has been incredible to have someone on my side who I know I can count on and be a friend as well,” Young says.

Meinecke saw an advertisement for the position on Craigslist and applied. Young requires two full-time caregivers and has aid from two more on a part-time basis.

“We are really short one or two caregivers right now,” Meinecke says.

Jeff’s father, Hal, died six years ago. His mother, LaDonna, was recently placed in assisted living. Jeff relies on Tammy to keep things going. It’s a difficult job, both physically and mentally, but she thrives on it.

“It’s been fun,” she says. “Very inspiring. Seeing the impact he has on the kids is incredible. I was scared to death to start working for a football coach, but the whole Lake Oswego program is amazing.

“Jeff is very positive, very much a go-getter. He is the type who will move any mountain and do what he can to help people. He is always open to anyone to come up to talk to him about anything.”

Where does the drive to keep on going come from inside of Young?

“A lot of it is the passion to put positive out in the world,” Meinecke says. “There have been times when it has brought tears to my eyes, to see the impact he has had in spreading his message.”

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To commemorate Young in his 40th year following the ALS diagnosis, friends posted videos on the “Young with Heart” website. Among them:

CASEY FILKINS, Lake Oswego High 2020 grad, Stanford’s starting running back: “Coach Jeff, I want to share with you how much you’ve meant to me, how much you continue to mean to me as I go through the ups and downs in my career and how inspiring your message has been for me to draw back on in times of adversity. I think back to the days when I was honored to be part of the Leadership Council and we’d meet at your house every week. You mean so much to a numerous amount of people. … the amount of love and care you go by in life, it inspires me every day to be a better man.”

CONNOR GRIFFIN, Lake Oswego High 2013 grad, assistant video coordinator, Denver Nuggets:  “It’s been 40 years you’ve been fighting your fight. I wanted to let you know how damn proud I am of you. You’ve instilled a work habit in me and a belief in myself since my high school days. I attribute a large part of where I am today to you. The lessons you’ve taught me … I’ve come a long ways. It’s something I’ll never be able to thank you for enough.”

TOMMY THAYER, band member of Kiss: “A shoutout to Jeff Young, a life-long friend. We’ve had a great friendship, but also he is a huge inspiration to me and so many other people in the community and around the world. Jeff has sent out messages for many years on his emails. I’m hoping he does more inspirational messages to us when he can. We really appreciate you, Jeff, and everything you do. I hope everybody can chip in and help Jeff with all his expenses moving forward.”

DEBI HAYES, long-time friend: “I’m happy I got to meet you before the diagnosis of ALS, although your passion for life and to be the best you can at everything has never wavered. You set your goals, you strive for your goals and you don’t waver. You are dedicated to friendships, to family, to perfecting these messages that take you hours to make and take us only a few minutes to read. You never take anything for granted, which has taught me a lot. Don’t take the small things for granted. The smile you give and the conversations we have take every ounce of your being to do. I don’t want to forget that. The time you put into mentoring the football players — it is amazing to watch what comes back to you — or walk the ALS walk in their jerseys, it truly brings tears to one’s eyes. I know you appreciate what they give back to you as much as they appreciate what you give to them. I know you’re in the top one percent in survival rate from this disease, but you’re also in the top of that one percent because you still have the ability to verbally communicate. What inspires me about you? Everything.”

TURNER YOUNG, Lake Oswego High 2012 grad: “Coach Jeff has not only inspired me as a player but continues to inspire me to this day as a coach and a person and in becoming the man I want to be off the field. …  we were fortunate enough to win the first state championship in school history all because of us taking to heart Coach Young’s message.”

DYLAN LAYNE, Lake Oswego High 2022 grad: “When I think of Coach Jeff, I think of an individual who has the unique power to change a person’s life. I remember sitting there as a freshman and hearing his message for the first time and being in awe of the entirety of his story, and the unique messages he sends to kids. Whenever there is a problem in my life, it pales in comparison to what Jeff goes through every single day. That he still has the willpower to continue to write meaningful messages every week for these kids is amazing.”

JACK LAYNE, Lake Oswego High 2022 grad (and Dylan’s twin): “Coach Jeff, thank you truly for everything you’ve done for me in my life. The impact you had on me as a young kid who went through some adversity myself in high school. … the perspectives you gave, the stories you wrote, really changed my life. The impact you have on those kids in that program, you can’t quantify with words. Thank you for showing me how to battle in life. I carry your messages with me every single day through this new chapter in my life. I plan to pass those on to future people I meet.”

KEENAN DERAEVE, Lake Oswego 2019 grad: “I want to give thanks for all you’ve done for me in my life. When we were in the gym after we won the 2018 state championship and I got to hand you that trophy, I’ll never forget that memory. There’s a picture I’ll always have hanging up in my room of us. It’s a core memory of my life. You’ve always given us so many message and memories. You taught us how to prosper through life, fight the fight to be able to conquer everything if you never give up. You’ve given a lot to the LO program and a lot of people that you don’t even know.”

Then there is Steven Long, the running back on Lake Oswego’s 2011 state championship squad who underwent surgery for a lesion on his brain and returned to continue his career at Portland State and Western Oregon. Even he regards Young with reverence.

“What an amazing story, right?” says Long, now an assistant coach on the Lakers staff. “The first time I ever heard it, I couldn’t hardly believe how determined Jeff Young is. He has outlived what was expected by so many years. Every day he’s battling a fight he could lose any time.

“I love hearing his messages. He makes it about the team and what’s going on that week and how we’re tracking. He was especially vital to us the year we won the state title. We understood his battle every day.”

Long retains a book composed of Young’s writings.

“I’ll go through it every now and then and read some of those messages,” he says. “It’s not just about football. You can apply them to life.”

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With Jeff Young’s life continuance come high expenses. He receives state funding that is dispersed to caregivers. He receives Social Security and disability benefits, but it’s not enough to cover all costs.

“Jeff needs help to pay his bills,” says Graves, who has been involved in such fund-raising for many years.

All the proceeds from a silent auction will go to defray Young’s medical costs. Go to youngwithheart.com to make a bid through the end of September. The “Live Heads Up” foundation is also selling the red “Be Like Jeff” T-shirts for $20 — $15 for students.

As sad as Young’s physical condition is, there is a bountiful symmetry involved here. He is fortunate to have so many friends who are loyal and appreciate the assets he brings to their life. The friends are fortunate to have an inspirational figure such as Jeff in their lives. Now “Live Heads Up” comes along to add its heft to the situation.

“It hit me at some point that I wish I had more time to analyze the impact Jeff has had on these kids,” Christine Dudley says. “The story is so much bigger than Jeff being able to live for 40 years. It’s not that he’s a survivor; it’s why he’s been a survivor.

“He has done everything he could in this life to be here and be able to encourage people and motivate people. It makes the challenges more manageable. That’s the impact he brings.”

One thing I notice during the halftime presentation on the football field: when students approach him during the game, when I introduce myself to him — he smiles. It is genuine. It feels good to know that some things can bring joy to him at this stage of his life.

“It’s priceless,” Graves agrees. “His smile says it all. Couldn’t be better.”

Through it all, Young knows the score. His world is different than it was 40 years ago. He is making the best of it.

“I had a lot of hopes and dreams that became moot when I was diagnosed with ALS,” he tells me. “I may not be able to live out those dreams, but seeing these kids and the influence I can have revitalizes my purpose in life.”

That, it is apparent, is a very good result.

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